The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
Emerson’s words are a lovely reminder that the true warmth of a home comes not only from what is in it, but from the people we welcome through its doors. Sharing a meal brings pleasure to both host and guest: one has the joy of welcoming, the other the pleasure of being welcomed.
Yet home hospitality seems increasingly rare. We are often more inclined to meet at restaurants or other public places than to open our homes to one another. In my upcoming book for hosts and guests, I explore how pleasurable it can be to entertain with simple refinement — even for something as relaxed as a barbecue party. Perhaps it is time to rediscover the pleasure of opening our doors.
And when we are the guests? A small host gift is one of the simplest and most gracious ways to say, “Thank you for including me.”
The Gracious Guest
When choosing a host gift, thoughtfulness matters far more than price.
A beautifully wrapped box of chocolates, a favorite preserve, a lovely candle, or homemade cookies can all be delightful. The gift need not be expensive or elaborate. In fact, an overly generous present may make the host—or even other guests—uncomfortable. Simple, thoughtful, and personal is usually best.
Presentation matters, too. A gift should be attractively wrapped or placed in a decorative bag, with your name attached. But first, greet your host! A warm hello should always come before presenting your gift. Then offer it graciously, without expecting or asking the host to open it immediately.
And What About Flowers?
Flowers are beautiful, but imagine the scene: your host is greeting arriving guests, checking dinner in the kitchen, perhaps pouring drinks—and suddenly has to find a vase, trim stems, and arrange your bouquet.
If you enjoy giving flowers, consider sending them before the gathering or even the following day. If you bring them with you, make sure they are beautifully presented rather than still wearing their supermarket wrapping.
It is also worth remembering that flowers can carry very different meanings from one culture to another. Chrysanthemums, for example, are associated with funerals in several European countries, while white flowers traditionally symbolize mourning in some Asian cultures. A little cultural awareness can make a thoughtful gesture even more thoughtful.
Wine? Perhaps.
A bottle of wine is a popular host gift, but it can leave the host wondering: Am I expected to serve this tonight?
If you have chosen the bottle especially for your host, simply say, “This is for you to enjoy another time.” The same courtesy applies to chocolates, desserts, or other edible gifts that were not intended to be shared that evening.
“Please, Bring Nothing but Yourself!”
Take your host at their word: the meal has been planned, and you are not expected to contribute. Still, if you would like to arrive with a small token of appreciation, that can be a lovely gesture.
A candle, beautiful liquid hand soap, fine chocolates, an unusual jam, homemade cookies, or another small pleasure can all be charming choices.
Perhaps the most important principle is this: a host gift should never feel like an obligation. It is a gesture of gratitude. Choose something with the recipient in mind rather than simply something you yourself would enjoy. If you do not know the host well, choose something tasteful and fairly neutral that most people would appreciate.
Sometimes, the smallest gesture can reveal a great deal about the guest who offers it.